Breaking up is tough. It does not matter if you cut someone loose or if you were the one left heartbroken. Immediately after a breakup, you may experience bouts of anger and even loneliness. Therefore, you may become desperate to just move on and get over it.
Ideally, you ought to focus on how to get on without the other person and enjoying other parts of your life that are still working out. However, it can feel like everything is crashing down on you. This, of course, is not true, not nearly as much.
Therefore, here some things you should never do after a breakup if you want to move on:
1. Be afraid of changing your perspective
After a breakup, it is liberating if you can create a new ending. Imagine it was you who rejected your partner rather than hunch up in the victim’s corner. Not only will this change the whole dynamic, but it will also make you more empowered to rise and move on.
2. Immediately marrying or dating the next person you meet
When two people break up, there are usually underlying issues that led to the breakup. Such issues need to be dealt with on a personal level. You may not have caused them, but you need to put them into perspective so that you are better placed to deal with them in the future. This cannot happen if you are continually speeding off into a new relationship.
With revenge still fresh in your mind, you might want to quickly replace the missing limb. That can be disastrous for both you and your new partner. Stay single for a while and clear up your mind and your heart.
3. Avoiding the pain
Pain and heartache can be frustrating and might even lead to physical illnesses. Don’t try to avoid the pain. Instead, let yourself experience it so that you can quickly recover and move on after a breakup. You can only get to the other side once you allow yourself to go through the pain.
4. Beating yourself up
During a breakup, your self-esteem and ego are already hurting. So, don’t make it any worse by being too hard on yourself. It does not matter how and why the relationship ended, life has to move on. Be compassionate towards yourself and if you are struggling to move on, consider talking to a therapist or a friend who does not know your ex.
5. Begging for another chance
Don’t beg for a do-over, no matter how much you miss your ex. In case you feel enormous pressure to ask for another chance, examine your motivation. You may discover that you don’t really miss your ex, but that you just miss the idea of having someone. Those two aspects are a night and day difference.
6. Calling or texting your ex
Because of the sudden changes, you might be tempted to “check up” on your ex. This is mostly a bad idea and will not help you move on after a breakup. Set a minimum of 30 days before you contact your ex again. After 30 days, the urge to communicate with them will have likely faded off.
7. Seeking revenge
The less said about this, the better. Revenge only hurts you in the process and slows down the healing process – by years! If you want to quickly move on, then all kinds of revenge should be off the table. Wish them well and walk into your new life without them.
8. Reconnecting with other exes
It is mighty tempting to call up another ex after a breakup. You may have had a connection with them in the past, and you could be tempted to try and rekindle old flames. You two were not meant to be, and that is why you are “exes.”
9. Stalking him or her on social media
Stalking an ex after a break up will only aggravate the feelings of resentment and pain. Of course, we are all curious to find out if our “exes” are living a more miserable life and therefore, we are often tempted to check up on them online. Do yourself a favor and unfriend your ex, including some mutual friends. Besides, you are too busy enjoying your new life to waste time checking up on them.
10. Keeping reminders of your ex around you
Delete all pictures and get rid of all the cute little gifts hanging around the house. If anything stirs up emotional memories and nostalgia about your ex, get rid of it. It may also be a good idea to avoid all the places you used to visit together. The idea is not to trigger any fond memories, not if you can help it.
Have you had a breakup recently? What was on top of your don’t-do list? Share with us in the comments.